Greeaat

Today I'm going to Holland for my Grandmother's 85th Birthday
:/
I have a feeling I am going to end up topping myself. I'll have to speak in Dutch all weekend which will kill off my brain cells with all the thinking I have to do before I say anything, plus I'll probably get comments from the relatives like "Oh my aren't you tall. Don't grow any more because I have a friend who's your height and says its very lonely." and "Wow look at you. You've been eating more haven't you?"
Urghhh.
Plus I'm really going to miss all my friends and the boyfriend. Last night when I was with him I actually realised that if anything went wrong between us and we broke up I would actually lose a friend as well as a boyfriend. (GOD that sounds so cliché)
We spend most of our time chatting shit to each other, and he then says a jokey insults so I hit him. Just things like that. I also feel like can tell him so much (Apart from that one thing) because he actually listens to what I'm saying even when he doesn't understand. My trust levels in him are just so high as well. Plus he fills up a lot of my weekends and weekdays, so not seeing him would leave me with nothing to do.
Ahhh I'm going to miss him even though its only like 3 or 4 days. How stupid. I hate how dependable I am on men sometimes. It's pretty retarded.

The good thing about the 8 hour car journey ahead of me today is that I can spend time revising maths and science for the exams. SEE HOW MUCH FUN I'M GOING TO HAVE??/sgfdskglfjkljsdisdh

Lets make out

Earlier today I was sitting in my room doing some of this majorly retarded art book of mine which I have to get finished for the 10th of June or something (gaaah) then I got distracted and thought about a lot of stuff
Like, LOADSSSS.
I actually sat there and stared at nothing for a good 20 minutes just thinking
O_o


This might have something to do with the fact that I haven't had a cigarette all day-They help me concentrate, but I'm sick of having that niggling feeling at the bag of my head telling me I want a cigarette. ITS EVEN TELLING ME NOW.
DIE
But I wish I understood smoking. It's satisfying and tastes good but in fact kills you. It's literally a tumor in a stick.
But loads of things are like that aren't they? Everything you want is usually bad for you in a sense. Food makes you fat, alcohol kills of brain cells, not working means you ear no money, doing what you want usually ends up going wrong, and sex usually changes things.
I am sure that anybody reading this blog has had "sex" changing something in their life. Even if it was just having a shit pull with some randomer.(Who you then later find out to be your best friends boyfriend etc.)

Sex makes people change their opinion on one another. It really annoys me how people can judge and see others differently because of "sexual" (I despise that term) things that person has done. I won't lie-When I've heard of what some people have got up to I have sometimes been shocked and seen them in a different light. I haaate that.
I hate the way it changes feelings people have towards each other. For example, once I kissed a friend of mine, but now theres this weird little barrier and things have never been the same between us. Well, they haven't been bad or anything, just different. And not in a good way.
Its so weird though when you think about it. Because the things that drive people apart can also help bring them together as well.
Its like when you were to go have a fag outside somewhere, you usually end up getting evils from some randomers assuming you are deliberately going out of your way to pollute infant's lungs, but then there will also be somebody willing to chat to you about how they're freezing their bollocks off, this instantly forming a connection between you and the other person.
As for sex, it obviously brings people closer together. I mean, when you see somebody else naked, you know its something only you (and possibly a few others) have ever seen.
When you've seen somebody naked you do actually have a special bond, and you know things most people don't. Like strange moles and scars. The other day I discovered a scar quite far down my Frenchie's collarbone. He broke it playing sport. It's things like that which make me smile when I remember.

I also laugh every time I remember how he went round calling ducks and toddlers "fucking wankers" as he'd only just learned what wanker meant at work that day.

Misshapes

It makes me die inside a little when I see photos of people taken in places like the Misshapes parties in New York and Boombox(now closed), partly because of how painfully good-looking all the people are, and because of their amazing clothing collections.
I actually LOVE the fact they can get away with wearing the most OTT outfits, often constructed out of nothing but gaffa tape and a shitloads of glitter. For me, wearing heels is like "OMGZ" (Then again when I wear heels I become so tall I start to have strange urge to start destroying buildings and eat humans.) but these club-goers wear anything they can find out of their painfully chic wardrobes.
I think it is really rare to find parties like that-especially when you are in the middle of GCSEs (woohoo) and I seriously doubt turning up in a sequin bikini top with a dead polar bear for a skirt won't go down well at the local pub on a Friday night.
But if Sophie and I manage to book flight tickets to New York (This is an issue as I am broke beyond REALITY) then fuck it, I am GOING to Misshapes or something like that. It could just be me having a minor obsession with it at this moment in time but I want to go so badly.

JUST LOOK:

I am sorry right, but if Blake Lively goes to Misshapes then THIS JUST MAKES ME WANT TO GO EVEN MORE. (My gossip girl obsession kicking in here)
Getting in I'm sure will be an issue, but ah well. I also doubt it will be on when we go anyways.
If we god

BUT I WILL REMAIN THE ETERNAL OPTIMIST.
Even though Gossip Girl season 1 has ended
:'[

LIFE MUST GO ON

Pure love

MY LOVE FOR ED BANGER RECORDS IS SO LARGE.
You have NO idea just how exited I was for Ed Rec Vol. III. After listening to it on Ramesh's IPod this morning I actually wanted to cry it wass so good. I have to admit the excessive rapping on all the tracks begins to get on my nerves but I still have major love for Ed Banger.
As I am also an amazing person Ive managed to find the album before it actually comes out and stuck it on here for download.
:D

Tracklisting:
01. Mr Oizo - Yves
02. Busy P - To Protect And Entertain (feat. Murs)
03. Mr Flash - Over The Top
04. SebastiAn - Dog
05. Uffie - Robot Oeuf
06. Justice - Stress (Auto Remix)
07. Mr Oizo - Minuteman’s pulse
08. DJ Mehdi - Pocket Piano
09. Krazy Baldhead - No Cow, No Pow
10. DSL - Find Me In The World
11. Feadz - Back It Up (feat. Spank Rock)
12. So Me - Decalcomania

Download



You love me.

Last night

Well last night was interesting haha. Someone provided somebody with a memory that will probably be stuck in their wankbank forever, so they always has an image in their head to toss off to.
;]
But the whole party consisted of the usual drunken fun we have at Talie's house every time. Except this time Jess and I fell in dog shit. Yes dog shit woohoo. We went to go take Omar to the station and whist chasing after him we fell over onto this suspicious-looking muddy patch, which we then later smelled and realised it was dog poo. NICE ONE. So I felt painfully paranoid for the rest of the party which was a shame. It also confused me when Oman was back at Talie's house and hadn't actually gone to the station.
:/
But ah well

Woke up this morning with Sandro in my bed and Ramesh on a mattress on the floor. What is it with my room always being so boiling hot when I have people round? It was an actual sauna I swear to god. But yeah we all had death breath(well I did), and Sandro had school so he had to leave at about 9. Then Ramesh left at 10.30 with some gay porn in his pockets and a bag full of hair.
I KID YOU NOT.

I am still slightly concerned about Robert's weird little friend Matthew. All night he kept coming up behind girls and hugging/touching them, just generally being creepy. It was just terrifying because of the fact nobody really knew who he was and looked about 12 years old with a severely short fringe. A true rapist in the naming

I reeeeeeeally want some chips right now.
IGNORE YOUR FATTY INSTINCTS YASMIN

MONIEZ

I don't think you quite understand how gutted I am that I can't afford anything at the moment. In my wallet I have £4.46, barely enough to cover a tube fare and a coffee, let alone this beautiful thing.

Isn't this one of the most amazing dresses you have ever seen? Its from Fredflare.com and costs $60, which is about £30 which isn't too pricey for a dress. BUT I AM POOR. So poor that I'm pretty confident Oxfam will come into contact with me at some point in the next week.
The dress price isn't really so much of a problem, its more the postage and delivery. I worked it out and it makes the dress DOUBLE in price.
OH LIFE.
I would say I want to live in America, but thats a lie. London pwns all.
Then again if somebody offered me the chance to live in New York for a while I wouldn't say no. AHHHH CORY KENNEDY. You cannot comprehend how much I want to BE HER. Seriously, she earns tons of money by looking painfully cool, going to parties and getting photographed for thecobrasnake.com.
And has nice hair
And owns clothing I will never be able to have.
And is really pretty and skinny.
And has connections with EVERYONE UNDER THE SUN.
Jealous me?
GOD YES

Anyways, I have to go and get ready for Talie's house party. I pride myself on the ability to get ready in under 20 minutes.
Although walking to hers in the rain isn't a very tempting prospect...

Why am I such a twat?

Yasmin actually has a boyfriend. Yes, the girl who "doesnt do boyfreinds."
Weirdly enough, I met him through the usual (albeit slightly slaggish) routine . The routine that includes going out, drinking about £2 worth of Strongbow super, sneaking a bottle of vodka in your underwear into a nightclub you shouldn't really be allowed into, getting off with someone for the sake of it, then leaving with their number on your phone hoping they will actually call you secretly knowing in the back of your mind they won't.

I wrote my number on his stomach in lipstick after pulling him with him. Being rather drunk I relied on Lorna and Ramesh to find the bus to get us home and just chatted utter bollocks about French men. Then when trying to buy fags from the corner shop the man gave me the wrong change. Bastard.
Then went home, slept for aaaaaages into the day and then got a text from the Frenchie.
YAY
Now I've been seeing him for a good two months und es ist supertoll.
I sound all spaticated and romantic. I hate cheesy things like romance most of the time. But recently, every now and then I will sit there thinking about things and then I have to remind myself to save all the cheese for a dairy factory rather than a relationship.

I don't actually know if I'm really suited to be a girlfriend. Often I'll wonder what the point is of liking someone and what is the point of even having a relationship with someone , as you know that it will eventually end. Seeing him also comes in the way of my schoolwork, and the constant guilt of lying to him sometimes becomes too much for me, tempting me to finish it with him. But sometimes I'll just look at him when he isn't watching and it truly hits me how much I like him. When kissing him him I feel like no matter how close I hold him against me, it just isn't close enough. Some people might say love is the way to describe it but I don't actually know.
I hate how "love" is such an overused term. I dislike how couples start saying how amazingly madly in love they seconds within meeting each other. I just find it cringey and embarrassing really. But this could just be me being all weird and pessemistic.
GARGKSDFKJ
I am so painfully happy when I see him. The highlights of my week are when we walk round London for hours and he takes photos of all the buildings like a right little tourist, and especially on the weekends when I stay round his. But the strangest thing is, whenever I think about him when I'm alone for too long I just want to cry.
I haven't ever felt so happy and so miserable at the same time before.

I don't know
:/