Failllllll

3 AND A HALF FAILS IN MY LIFE RECENTLY:

First fail:
The other night, Lorna, Anna, Anouska, Jessie and I went to Ghetto again thinking it was Calling All Tribes, we had arguments with the bouncers as we didn't have ID, but we eventually got in. The place was totally different, packed to the brim and WAY more men than usual. It wasn't until after dancing to a lot of Kylie and Britney that we looked around the crowd and realised we were at the wrong club night.
We were in a gay bar.
It was quite fun in all honsety but doesn't compare to Saturday. Plus a woman with what looked like a giant cotton ear bud stroked Anouska's bum and when I was in the loos a woman came up to me and said she "wasn't getting anywhere" and "wondered if I wanted to come home with her".
I said no OBVIOUZLY. Coz I don't roll lyk dat.
It was slightly depressing though, as nobody was as friendly as the other night and entry cost us £8 instead of the usual £3. However we did have more booze this time as we bought it beforehand and snuck it in. We also drank booze on the tubes cos we are such rebelzzzz.
FUCK YOU BORIS.

Second Fail:
I was told that I had a biology retake today, so I woke up this morning at 7 after spending most of the night awake with Jess chatting bollocks, travelled all the way to school by myself(this usually takes about 45 minutes) to find that I WASN'T DOING THE EXAM. So I got called a "silly girl" by the head of year for not knowing when my exam was and then just went all the way home. (Yet another 45 minutes).
I just wasted an hour and a half OV MAH LYFFF 4 NUFFINK.
But at least I could play games on my phone on the bus on the way back without commuters looking at me as though I'm simple and and spastic little year 7's taking the piss.
Nobody seems to understand how good the game Zuma is. If people understood the world would be a better place

Third Fail:
Last month I lost half a stone.
This month I have put on a WHOLE FUCKING STONE!.
That is just revolting. I can't bear to look at myself naked so I doubt my boyfriend will be getting any action next time I stay at his. Well, he probably will, but only if I find some sort of miracle tape that tapes down all the flab.
Maybe I should pretend I have a rare genetic disorder or something.
But I've already eaten a pain au chocolat for breakfast so I don't think I'll be eating anything for the rest of the day.
There's no chance of me getting anorexia as food is too good, so when I starve myself it isn't psychologically damaging-Just necessary.
Believe me, the world benefits from me not having flab. I become a happier person.

Third and a half fail:
I still haven't seen the boyfriend and sent him a stupid drunk text message the other night where I told him I was in a gay bar and he would be pulling another man if he was here, wihc would then result in me "attacking him".
The fact that I didn't stick any kisses at the end made it sound threatening rather than funny-which is how was meant come across. Instead it was a dry, humorless and somewhat threatening message which made me seem like a clingy and jealous twat in dire need of shooting.
I sent it at about 4 am and he didn't reply until 11 that night, but whilst I was wating for him to reply, (which took him bloody long) I worried that he would dump me.
If he had I would have been so confused, as he stuck with me after I threw up on him in a busy tube carriage on a tuesday night.
However when he texted me last night I almost had a seizure with happiness and almost screamed that I loved him, but I managed to contain myself before I said it. I don't want to say "love" as I have only been seeing him for a bit under 4 months and I'm worried that if I keep thinking it I'll say it to him at some point. I am sure like most men he will end up crapping himself if I told him I love him, or possibly have a stroke.
But what I have learned...?
BOOZE AND BOYFRIEND DO NOT MIX.
I should also have my phone confiscated from me when I've had any alcohol as I am one of those horrific drunk-dialers who also sends revolting text messages.
I should just be banned from drinking alcohol totally. The photo on the left just sums it all up.




My life fails hard.


However I have realised that my favourite animals are ducks.

Ducks are good.