Monday 30 June 2008

How to look and be like a total whorebag.

I've compiled the a-z of what you need to know about being a cheap slut:

Anal passage. Anybody is allowed in here with whatever they want. As long as they have the money ITZ ALL GOOD IN DA HOOD.

Boobs. Preferably double D's and poking out the top of a sequinned boob tube. It costs a lot to look this cheap-75 quid implant job done by your best mate wielding a penknife.

Cherry. This was popped long ago. Age 6 in fact.

Derriere.The posh way of saying what should be on constant display under your miniskirt.

Elephantitis. What the visitor claims his penis has.

Facial.Whether this relates to ejaculation or what features you lack, it's all good. In dark nobody's going to notice a few missing teeth.

Gangrene. Teaches you not to go abroad for work.

Help. Always keep Candy and Angel at your sides. You never know when you need your herpes-infested friends.

Infectious. When the guy limps over a week later asking why you didn't have a condom, say you did it for the lulz.

Jewel-Valentine. Karen is such a dull name anyway.

Killers. Just stay away from Ipswich and any other places where the men have hook hands or lazy eyes.

Literacy. Not needed.

Mini skirt. ABSOLUTE NECESSITY. Get those fabulously hairy pins out galz!

Nudity. The reason they're paying. For a sagging stomach charge a fiver.

Orange. You need to apply liberal amounts of fake tan to achieve this colour. If you can't afford it just keep chugging on those cigarettes.

PVC. Men like this. Men also like asphyxiation.

Questions. "Can I lick your feet?" "Who's your Daddy?" "Have I been a bad boy?" Be prepared for this.

Radio. Keep it on to drown out the sound of pensioner groaning.

Slutty. Duh.

Truck. Usually you can over-charge men driving these-Tell then you charge per kilo.

Urine. OW. BURNING.

Vagina. Necessary to be a true prostitute. You might not have been born with one, but with a bit of rohypnol and some clever tucking you can get away with it.

Wendell. Your most valued customer. He still lives with his mum, bless him.

X-Ray. Used to search for all the unexplainable objects in your cervix.

Yellow. Your favourite colour. Its the colour of your teeth, fingernails, hair, and liver.

Zero. The amount of cash you make when you stand under bright streetlights.

Saturday 28 June 2008

ACTUAL WTF

My Mother just told me to be "assertive" because the boyfriend told me to meet him at about 9.30. She went on to telling me how I need to be a strong woman and not let a man be the boss of me.
I am SO confused right now. She seems to have the idea that all he wants is me for sex but that isn't actually true.
She seems to get the idea that every time I see him I shag him, whilst in truth its only once a week IF THAT.
God, she can be such a twat sometimes.
Earlier today she lectured me on how men will try and manipulate me and I should always know their intentions, and when men dance with me in clubs they usually want more.
WELL DUH.
You have to be pretty thick/naive not to know that. I can't believe she's telling me this as though I'm stupid.
She actually has no idea what I get up to, and as soon as I let her into something she totally comes in and blows it out of proportion. I am NEVER telling her about boyfriends again. It's actually NONE of her business-I managed to keep Jamie a secret for a year so I don't see why I can't keep more things secret from her.

The woman actually has no idea who I am, and the more time I spend with her, the more I start to detest her. She can't understand simple sentences, and as soon as she sees what she's doing is wrong, or she's losing an argument, she either changes subject or brings up a totally irrelevant point. She acts younger than me most of the time.
I know I sound painfully whiny and irritating, but if you knew my Mother like I did you'd understand what I mean.
She drives me mad and I don't think I could possibly bear to be around her anymore.
She needs to get a job or something-She has ALWAYS been at home for me EVERY SINGLE DAY, I can barely remember any days where she wasn't. Her beliefs are that this raises a stable family, but I can't honestly say I'm the best person. I am pretty well bought up, but it's not like I'm tge model child she intended me to be.
Every morning when I wake up-shes there. Waiting to have a go at me about something trivial which isn't even my fault half the time. This builds up until dinner time where I can't STAND her. Every word she says makes me want to dry-heave. So I argue. This then gets blown out of proportion until we both go to bed feeling bitter.

I honestly don't think SHE has the right to tell me men walk all over me when she's the one who let Dad do something horrible to her TWICE.
I love my Dad but a small part of me hates what he did. I also hate my Mum a little bit for accepting it.


I'm probably going to delete this post tomorrow when I'm in a better mood.
I'm off to see my man now.

OH LOL


I FROZE A BARBIE HEAD INTO AN ICE LOLLY AND GAVE IT TO MY BROTHER.
The boy nearly shat himself. His face was priceless, but now he's threatening to turn off my PC and forcing me to apologise.
I personally think its hysterically funny as he screamed like a girl for about a minute before throwing the ice lolly on the floor in anger and fear.

Now he's upstairs slamming doors. Oh goodtimes.

I wish he saw the funny side.

KNACKERED

Today's my Dad's Birthday, and he said he wanted a lie-in, so I didn't get to sleep until about 3am, then to be woken up at 9. I cannot believe this is his idea of a lie-in.
Then again I am in no way a morning person. I usually look/behave like a monster anytime before 12.

Seeing the French one tonight, but only if he can ANSWER HIS PHONE. I was meant to stay at his last night but the fishwife was out with all his French buddiezzz. I have this image in my head of all these really european men dancing to Scooter and other gay techno-trance music(eurgh) which isn't a great image.
OH GOD
I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING.
This is ultimate cringe but possibly one of the most hilarious things that has ever happened to me. The first time I went back to his place, he put on music.
I am not into the whole putting on music and lighting loads of candles thing that most men seem to assume women love so I wasn't too keen on this. (I AM MISS ROMANCE KILLER. I bite the heads off teddy bears like Ozzy bites the heads off bats)
Earlier he'd been telling me how recently he'd been listening to a lot of David Bowie and I said I quite enjoyed a bit of Bowie too.
I don't think I have ever been so mortified in my entire life(Unless you include the time my friend's Dad walked in on me whilst I was in the shower) as when "Grounddd controll to majorr Tommm" playing ever before. I'm assuming he saw the look on my face as he switched it off pretty quickly. On the way home the next day I sat on the bus laughing (BY MYSELF) because I remembered how hilarious it was.
I felt for him as he seemed pretty upset that I didn't appreciate listening to David Bowie's Greatest Hits while getting it on.
I still find it pee-inducingly funny to this day, bless him, he seemed so into it as well. Men are hilarious.
I have no idea how I'm going to stay awake tonight as I am totally knackered. Watch how I just fall asleep on his front door step. Because of my weight he won't be able to lift me and will jsut leave me there, only to find I've been kidnapped and am being sold in variety buckets of chicken. (He lives in Camberwell, home of KFC, Chicken Cottage, Chicken Shack etc.. so its expected)
But if that happens to me I don't want to hear any David Bowie at my funeral.

I just found a scratch on my neck and it's annoying me cos it keeps opening up and bleeding everywhere. The man in the cornershop down the road asked if I was okay as I had all this blood running down my neck, looking like I'd just been to the Peckham rappers convention trying to spit some bars. I could never be a rapper as I'd suck. HOWEVER aaages ago at Underage Club when Patrick Wolf Played (GAYGAYGAY) I managed to make the best rap ever. I nor anyone else remembers what I said, but Jessie agreed it was amazing.
But other than that I suck. Maybe I should move in with Frenchie in Camberwell and become hard. Actually I don't want to live with his flatmates who dance round in their underwear at 11am totally off their faces after doing vodka shots with their breakfast. One of them broke up with their girlfriend of like 6 years, but then again he's been using that excuse for months apparently. I know id I lived with them it would increase my alcohol intake by about 152%.
I drink copious amounts most weekends already, then again this is because I am a London teenager, so I have to fit into the binge-drinking stereotype OBVOUZLYY. (Actually I just use that as a pathetic excuse to cover for all the times I've shouted dumb things at people I don't know and threw up/fallen over things.)

I don't actually know what I'm talking about anymore I am too tired for this.

Friday 27 June 2008

Thank god

Everything is all good now.
I love my Sophie.

Thursday 26 June 2008

I can't take it

I can't take it anymore.
The fact I lied is bad enough, but if my worst fear right now does come true, not only will he know about me being a disgusting liar he then has to make the horrible choice of sticking with me or leaving. This would most probably mess up his mind more than anything and I don't want that to happen to him. He is probably one of the nicest people I know. I never knew it was possible for anybody to be so nice to me all the time and treat me like I'm the most special thing in the world. I actually love him.
There, I've said it.

I am hoping more than anything right now that this problem doesn't exist and is just me being all paranoid. But if it is happening then I will have no idea what to do. Stuff like this is only meant to happen on TV, not real life.

Tomorrow I'll find out hopefully but until then I'm gonna bugger off to bed and wallow in my self-sympathy.

Wednesday 25 June 2008

Muhhhh D:

I couldn't sleep last night so I ended up watching Jeremy Kyle until 4am when I realised I'd be a total douche the next day if I didn't get some sleep. I set my alarm for 10 as my Mother has a massive go at me every morning when I wake up late. EVEN IF I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING THAT DAY. So up I get at 9, and as I'd slept in an odd position my back feels like its going to snap, I shuffle downstairs to prove to my mum that I CAN wake up at a reasonable time.
THE WOMAN IS GONE.
THE WOMAN WENT OUT TO PLAY TENNIS.

So here I am now, looking like a zombie with a fat bird nest on the top of my head and I feel like death. So much for proving my Mother wrong. I KNOW that if I go and sleep on the sofa for a bit she'll come home and call me a lazy bugger.
Its meant to be holidays but so far I've only had 1 lie in. This is because every night I'm either out, or every morning I've been woken up.
I NEEEHD MAH SLEEEPZ PPLZ.

I also stick by my theory that Jeremy Kyle is buff. Yes, he seems to be a bit of an arsehole, but I still would.
It might have something to do with his permanent concentrated stare, or how he has the ability to tell 13-year-old mothers to stop beating their boyfriends and taking crack.
Or maybe there's just something wrong with me.
I don't know.



I also realise I blog wayyyy too much. Maybe I need to get out more.
Like today I have nothing to do until 8pm. I LIV 4 DA NITELIFE.

Tuesday 24 June 2008

10 of the most annoying things:

My Frenchman and I went to the British Library today and then to the BT tower
YEH WE R ROMANTIK LYK DAT.

On the tube home I had this creepy bloke with greasy long hair, a My Chemical Romance hoodie and a disgusting amount of facial peircings staring at me for the entire journey.(See picture for visualisation) I had to look interested in football as the only bit of newspaper somebody had left next to me was the sports section. I was so happy I got off at the stop I did because he came and sat next to me in an attempt to start an awkward conversation.


This made me think on the walk home about things that frustrate and piss me off beyond belief.


10 of the most annoying things in the UNIVERSE:

Perverts. Creepy and annoying when they stare or make some dirty comment about your boobs/legs, but when you don't get any whilstlers whilst walking to the tube station you assume you look butters. You can't win.

Tights laddering. Even if you pay £3 for Primark or £14 for Wolford they will ALWAYS ladder. Solution:2 pairs. YOU JUST GOT SCAMMED

Bags under my eyes. Why are they there?? I GET ENOUGH SLEEP. JUST FUCK OFF.

People who walk slowly. Then they stop in the middle of the road riiight in front of you. You really want to kick them but then you're the one who gets done for it when it should really be them.

When red lipstick smudges. It usually happens when you're alone on public transport so after countless people staring at your face not telling you, the realisation finally hits you when you walk past a reflective shop window an hour later.

Being early. You end waiting for somebody for ages, so everyone around you assumes you've been stood up.
Then the person you're waiting for is usually late.
By about half an hour.
Thats karma for being early.

Accidental phonecalls and blank texts. I apologise to all Aarons and Zoes in advance. I should really learn to lock my phone before sticking it in my pocket.

Pretty skinny people who look good in anything. You should all go and start your own colony in Armenia or something. We normal people don't like how you walk out the house wearing just vaseline and a baggy jumper. You should be forced to mingle with only your own kind until you all rip each others eyes out, therefore making the world a better place. I'm talking to you Sienna Miller.

When people say "looool" on social networking websites. Its meant to be "lol" or "lolololol". Save it for MSN "shexii killah gyal". Or become an internet nerd and start using "lulz" instead. ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN "LOOOOL"

Ketamine. HOOOOORSSSEEE TRANQUILIIZZEERRRSSS. Nuff said.

:]

After a rather non eventful day of watching more of Rehdoggs videos on youtube and a documentary on the Osbournes I am actually going out to see the boyfriend. Fuck knows what were going to do together-We should go to the Apple shop and take loads of photos of us together in vomit-inducing poses which will make most people's stomachs implode. But even that makes me feel physically sick, so probably not.
Its shocking how I haven't seen the bloke in a whole week. For all I know he could have turned black and had his arm amputated. (OZZY NEARLY LOST HIS ARM-It plays on my mind.) But its more likely that he will be so shocked by this sudden gain of flab that as soon as he sees me standing alone outside Tottenham Court road station he'll have one look and then back away until he's far enough to run back to Camberwell.
God I am too neurotic.

GOT NEW BOOTS OFF EBAY BTW GUYZ.
They'll be here tomorrow. I wish they had a nicer heel but for £19.99 who cares? I'll probably break them somehow anyways.
SEE THE NEUROTICISM??!?!?!
(Is that a word?)



I really need to pee and I should have left about 5 minutes ago.
I HATE YOU BLOG.

Rehdogg

I have decided that I don't need to listen to any other other rappers now this man is in my life.



Apparently his new album is called "The Soul Taker". I almost criiiieeedddddd when I didn't see it being sold in my local HMV and wanted to slap the assistant because this man is just to full of talent. His rigid movements are just so unique, and his songs make me feel the pure pain in his soul.
The ending is too much for me.
I'm off to go and weep now-the emotion is just too much for me.

Monday 23 June 2008

Almost forgot

Today taking the E3 through Chiswick I SWEAR TO GOD I saw one of the Chuckle Brothers.


(The one on the right.)
I USED TO WATCH THEM RELIGIOUZLY until I realised how sinister they actually are. You blatantly know that if you were to search their homes you'd find countless stacks of kiddie porn, along with home videos of them asking partially-dressed little boys to trim their mustaches whilst watching Chucklevision repeats.
But I am about 100% sure it was him-Everyone on the bus was staring the the bloke and he looked as though he'd just been caught tossing off into someones shoes.

I SHUD HAV ASKED 4 HIS AUTOGRAFF.

O TIMEZ


Today I managed to sell my old yellow skinny jeans on Ebay.
I WILL MI$$ U NU RAVE
BUT I WILL $TILL KEEP LUVVIN NU RAVE MU$IK LIKE KLAXONZZ AND SHITDI$KO.
Foreva nd eva bbz.

RIP.

Failllllll

3 AND A HALF FAILS IN MY LIFE RECENTLY:

First fail:
The other night, Lorna, Anna, Anouska, Jessie and I went to Ghetto again thinking it was Calling All Tribes, we had arguments with the bouncers as we didn't have ID, but we eventually got in. The place was totally different, packed to the brim and WAY more men than usual. It wasn't until after dancing to a lot of Kylie and Britney that we looked around the crowd and realised we were at the wrong club night.
We were in a gay bar.
It was quite fun in all honsety but doesn't compare to Saturday. Plus a woman with what looked like a giant cotton ear bud stroked Anouska's bum and when I was in the loos a woman came up to me and said she "wasn't getting anywhere" and "wondered if I wanted to come home with her".
I said no OBVIOUZLY. Coz I don't roll lyk dat.
It was slightly depressing though, as nobody was as friendly as the other night and entry cost us £8 instead of the usual £3. However we did have more booze this time as we bought it beforehand and snuck it in. We also drank booze on the tubes cos we are such rebelzzzz.
FUCK YOU BORIS.

Second Fail:
I was told that I had a biology retake today, so I woke up this morning at 7 after spending most of the night awake with Jess chatting bollocks, travelled all the way to school by myself(this usually takes about 45 minutes) to find that I WASN'T DOING THE EXAM. So I got called a "silly girl" by the head of year for not knowing when my exam was and then just went all the way home. (Yet another 45 minutes).
I just wasted an hour and a half OV MAH LYFFF 4 NUFFINK.
But at least I could play games on my phone on the bus on the way back without commuters looking at me as though I'm simple and and spastic little year 7's taking the piss.
Nobody seems to understand how good the game Zuma is. If people understood the world would be a better place

Third Fail:
Last month I lost half a stone.
This month I have put on a WHOLE FUCKING STONE!.
That is just revolting. I can't bear to look at myself naked so I doubt my boyfriend will be getting any action next time I stay at his. Well, he probably will, but only if I find some sort of miracle tape that tapes down all the flab.
Maybe I should pretend I have a rare genetic disorder or something.
But I've already eaten a pain au chocolat for breakfast so I don't think I'll be eating anything for the rest of the day.
There's no chance of me getting anorexia as food is too good, so when I starve myself it isn't psychologically damaging-Just necessary.
Believe me, the world benefits from me not having flab. I become a happier person.

Third and a half fail:
I still haven't seen the boyfriend and sent him a stupid drunk text message the other night where I told him I was in a gay bar and he would be pulling another man if he was here, wihc would then result in me "attacking him".
The fact that I didn't stick any kisses at the end made it sound threatening rather than funny-which is how was meant come across. Instead it was a dry, humorless and somewhat threatening message which made me seem like a clingy and jealous twat in dire need of shooting.
I sent it at about 4 am and he didn't reply until 11 that night, but whilst I was wating for him to reply, (which took him bloody long) I worried that he would dump me.
If he had I would have been so confused, as he stuck with me after I threw up on him in a busy tube carriage on a tuesday night.
However when he texted me last night I almost had a seizure with happiness and almost screamed that I loved him, but I managed to contain myself before I said it. I don't want to say "love" as I have only been seeing him for a bit under 4 months and I'm worried that if I keep thinking it I'll say it to him at some point. I am sure like most men he will end up crapping himself if I told him I love him, or possibly have a stroke.
But what I have learned...?
BOOZE AND BOYFRIEND DO NOT MIX.
I should also have my phone confiscated from me when I've had any alcohol as I am one of those horrific drunk-dialers who also sends revolting text messages.
I should just be banned from drinking alcohol totally. The photo on the left just sums it all up.




My life fails hard.


However I have realised that my favourite animals are ducks.

Ducks are good.

Saturday 21 June 2008

Mehhh

I miss my Frenchie

I haven't seen him in a week

:'[

Friday 20 June 2008

I am now totally prepared for Saturday

Popped up to Camden today with Jess to pick up a set of false eyelashes and ended up getting these beauties.
My mother says I look horrific as though I'm a tranny when I have them on, but that just makes me want to wear them more.
I also saw this cute little vintage shop which had a sign in the doorway saying they needed new people working there and have to give in their CVs to apply. I really like the look of working there, so I'm probably going to drop off my CV over there next week. I'd never thought about working in a vintage shop, but now I realise it is actually a really good idea.
I REALLY need money now. After spending £30 on drinks the other night it looks like I definitely need a job soon.
Fail.


Jesso and I also got scouted again for Vanity modelling agency which was slightly flattering. Last time they approached me they never called me back as I was 15, but then again I did get a weird phonecall asking if I was interested in modelling...Preferably with some nudity.
So I hung up.
:/

Thursday 19 June 2008

LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING

TRULY AMAZING.
I never knew a few sequins could get you that far.


Basically we all got ready beforehand so we all looked painfully dressed up with masses of glitter on out faces, then when we got there there was not a single issue with ID or anything which was great as well, and then we only paid £3 to get in and headed straight to the bar.
THE INTERNET WAS WRONG
IT WASN'T £2 FOR A BEER. It was more like £3.30 per can, but I suppose thats still mucchhh cheaper than paying the usual fiver for a pint. This lady comes up to me and tells me she loves my sequined face and asks to take a photo of it for her uni project she's doing where she needs 1000 photos of faces.
We realise the drinks prices are too much so we try and find an off-licence where we can stock up on cheap booze and sneak it in, but as its past 11 we get refused service so this lovely bloke who was at the gay bar next door offered to go and see if he could get cheap booze from there, but then he couldn't so ah well.

Later on we were dancing amongst the weird cardboard skulls and broken Barbie dolls hanging from the ceiling, when this guy with AMAZING face makeup and a gorgeous Vivienne Westwood lip ring comes up to me (He did earlier as well) and tells me how he helps run the club and that if I come next Wednesday we are allowed into the VIP room.
DIZ MADE ME SUPA HAPZ!1!!!ONE!!1one!
Then we spent the rest of the night dancing with this great gay guy who had serious moooves.

Then when we left and were waiting at the bus stop, this guy from some other nightclub down the road walks past, and offers me a job as a makeup artist at this club.

But the thing I loves most about last night is how nice everyone was. Usually when you go out there are so many strange looks from other girls, and countless men trying to touch you up. However here, as most of the men are gay or transvestites theres none of that. Although the Vivienne Westwood tranny rubbed his hand up my crotch. Then he called me darling and kissed me on the cheek so it's all good.)
The girls compliment you on what youre wearing instead of silently giving evils from across the dance floor.
I just liked the general atmostphere of all the people there.

I love life.
Life is good.

Wednesday 18 June 2008

:D

MUM JUST MADE ME A BACON SALAD!!


WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN



I just miss my Frenchman. He was up until 3 yesterday so he's not coming out tonight, as we were meant to go to the Redstar in Camberwell tonight so Lorna and Anna could meet him as he lives round the corner, but he couldn't come, hence us going to this other place now.
Its soo much cheaper which is brilliant.
£3 entry as we're cheaplisted and a pint is only £2 and a mixer/shot £1

ULTIMATE WIN.

Rarrrr


I'M LOOKIN' FIERCE TONIGHT!


Not meaning to sound bigheaded but I am well proud of my makeup.
I have spent the past half hour applying sequins to my face with eyelash glue, and am going to continue later as I'm starting to go cross-eyed. Plus It's about 5 now and Lorna and Anna come round at 9 so we can spend an hour getting ready before we go out.
Plus my high-waisted shorts arrived in the post today so it makes cothing choice for tonight difficult. Either going for my short purple lace H&M dress with dark green slightly platformed courts, or the high waisted shorts with the heels and a top of some description. (Crystal Castles t-shirt or blouse?)

Oooh the choices.


I totally forgot to mention where we're going tonight but were going to this almost-new clubnight called Calling All Tribes and as it's run by the people who ran clubnights Nuke 'Em All
and All You Can Eat, it should be really good, and full of people covered in glitter and wearing the most fantastic outfits. Plus I only have to go into school in the afternoon tomorrow to set up my art pieces in this "gallery" so the examiner can mark it.
I really doubt that I'll get anything above a C for two out of my three books, but I really hope I get an A for my art book on "Image and Identity" as I am really proud of that book due to all the countless hours I put into it.

Anyways, I'm off to glue more things to my face and possibly eat something.
Mmmmm I really want a bacon butty.
THIS IS WHY I AM FAT.
But I don't care...Food is just too good.
Byaaaa


OH YES-
FAILED CHEMISTRY EXAM TODAY
¬_¬

Tuesday 17 June 2008

I love it.


I really do.

As its been a while...


I haven't put any album downloads up in a while, so whilst I'm stuffing my face with Amaretti biscuits. (I can't lose weight or I wont fit in my prom dress haha) So here's The Sound's album, "Dying To Say This To You".
Classic album, but she really needs a bra.


Tracklisting:
01. Song With A Mission
02. Queen Of Apology
03. Tony The Beat
04. 24 Hours
05. Painted By Numbers
06. Night After Night
07. Ego
08. Hurt You
09. Much Too Long
10. Running Out Of Turbo
11. Night After Night (Alternate Version) [Hidden Track]

Download

My Brother's friend has smelly feet btw.
I can smell them from here.
:/

OH TIMEZ

Yasmin is writing her CV tonight.
Then Yasmin is going to give in her CV to practically every interesting shop along oxford street.
Then Yasmin is going to earn money for the summer.

The prospect of working again in town is so exiting. Last time I did was during work experience where I spent all day on photoshop for some web design company in Soho. (Whilst in truth I was on Myspace), constantly went to the pub after work and went shopping during lunch breaks.
I actually miss that job so much, so this summer I definitely want a job up central.
I only live a fifteen minute walk from East Acton tube station and a 20 minute train journey, so the commute isn't too bad. Then again I love commuting.

I'm going to try American Apparel as you get 50% staff discount, the only problem is you pretty much stand there all day looking cool, and it's mandatory to wear their clothing. I'm also going to give Topshop and Urban Outfitters a try as the dicounts there are £25, and I get the feeling I'll meet loads of new interesting people which is always a plus.
But the thing I look most forward to getting a job for is the fact I have something do do for the next 10 weeks, as in the past few days I have done nothing but download countless music (500 SONGS TODAY HAH) and clean the entire house. It's got to a point where there is NOTHING LEFT TO CLEAN.
O_o

Plus the money.
Oh the money.
I know it won't be a lot but it will be sufficient enough to help me throughout summer.
Today I worked out the top three things I want to buy. If I don't spend any money for the rest of the month I can buy the first thing on my list.
The £65 light denim playsuit from French Connection. I would post a photo but the website doesn't sell it and you have to go into a shop to buy it. I know it sounds like a dodgy outfit choice, but it is one of THE most flattering outfits I have ever tried on.
The next on my list is this:
The 80gb IPod. I need one as my mini is full. Bursting, in fact.
It can only hold around 800-900 songs, whilst my ITunes libray boasts about 4500 songs. The only problem is that it costs around £160 which I can't afford at the moment, but hopefully work will help me save up sufficient funds for one.

Then the most coveted item in my list is this beauty:
GOD COMES IN THE FORM OF A HANDBAG.
I almost self-imploded when I saw this walking past the Vivienne Westwood World's End shop the other day. My boyfriend had to hold me back from licking the shop window. It has a strap on the inside which you can use to make it into a shoulder bag, and the massive Vivienne Westwood logo on the front is actually TO DIE FOR.
It costs around £400 though so I think it may take quite a bit of saving.
Hahaha.
Or I might try and find a fake off some chinese website or something....It just won't be the same though...
:'[

Monday 16 June 2008

Mother dearest

I found this weird high-waisted skirt in my Mum's cupboard from the 80's and it didn't fit her anymore so I could have it. Its yellow and fell down below the knee, looking rather rank so I decided to redesign it so now I have a nice short tulip skirt
SCOOORE.


But God my Mother pisses me off so much sometimes;
"Yaz you need to get a job where you earn tips."
"Yes Mum but I want to work in a shop."
"But you don't earn money that way"
"I don't mind so much. I want to so something I enjoy"
"You're so difficult"

HOW AM I DIFFICULT?
Why can't I choose my own job? It's my life for God's sake.
Then she keeps going on about how I'm never involved with the family anymore and don't want to go on holiday with them or anything. But in all honesty, name me one person my age who wants to travel to another country (probably a dead-end village in spain) in a 2-day car journey where the car smells like dead people? Adding on to that a brother who's only interest is XBox and volcanoes, a Father who wants to visit endless churches, and a Mother who literally picks at everything you say?
Garggggghhh I hate how she winds me up. Most people don't see how she intentionally pisses me off in a really childish way. Jessie is probably the only other person who's seen it and understands the great lengths my Mum goes to guilt trip me and take the piss out of me on an almost regular basis.
That woman actually drives me insane and I cannot wait to get out of the house where she can nitpick my unsuspecting little brother.

But the one thing that annoys me the most about her recently is that she USED to nag me about never being at home and "using the house like a hotel", but NOW she keeps telling me I need to go out more as I'm spending too much time at home?
WHAT DOES THIS WOMAN WANT FROM ME?!?!??!?

I love her to pieces but jeeezuz she makes me so mad.

Sunday 15 June 2008

Cocaine

Yesterday I went to the Tate gallery with my boyfriend and saw this weird performance of these peoples giant shadows playing boken violins repeatedly for an hour. We actually both fell asleep during it-Me because I'd spent the night before with Lorna and Josh round, and I had food poisoning so I was ill, and it was a squeeze in my bed so the sleep we got was pretty bad. My Frenchie fell asleep because he's been out the night before. I don't object to him going out or anything, I think it's a good thing as I like party people, but what annoyed me the most is the fact he took coke.
He's told me before he's not that into drugs and he only really uses weed on rare occasions and he's only tried cocaine and MDMA since moving to London and both times he was lashed so he took it. But yesterday when he said he went to the Tea bar in East London he had loads of booze and loads of coke. This was the most MAJOR turn-off.
I just stared at him for a while before calling him a crackhead in a jokey way and changing the subject. The truth is, I actually HATED the fact that he now does coke when he goes out. I personally blame London for that. Every Friday night you see hundreds of drunks staggering down the roads of central London, and theres barely any parties where there isn't somebody with a bag of Charlie in the loos.
Technically I shouldn't be allowed to lecture anybody about drug taking, as if somebody offered me an E I probably wouldn't say no, but I barely ever do drugs, only on rare occasions, and even then its weed or MDMA(in pretty small doses as well). My only fear with my Frenchie is that he will end up spending tons of cash on coke every week or want to experiment more and take stuff like Ketamine.
Ketamine is DISGUSTING.
Why the hell would anybody take anything thats intended to put a horse to sleep. I've seen people on ket and it is NOT attractive. They look ill, talk loads of shit and have difficulty standing up. Plus they're usually alone meaning that not even their friends want to be around them.

Argh I don't want to tell him that I really hate him doing coke and want him to stop, as it means I'll just sound like a nag and he'll still take it without telling me, but I just don't want him to get fucked up on it.
Because I've had enough of all these public-school going 15 year olds going on a night out, buying shitloads of Ket and Coke using Daddy's money, then saying like; "ZOMg Dat wAZ Lyk Da Be$$t Tyme EVAAA!" I'm sorry but I just laugh at people like that, as they are just painfully sad. I just don't want my boyfriend to sink to that level.
:/

Friday 13 June 2008

SICK 1 BRUV

I am really happy right now and slightly confused for 2 reasons.
Last night I was watching a programme on TV about people losing their virginity and how it was like for them, and I SAW ME ON IT WITH FRENCHIE!
I am still HIGHLY baffled about it, as I didn't expect it and it's literally a chance in a million, but I am 100% sure it was us as I saw my own face and it was defo him because he's so tall. It was us walking down Tottenham Court Road together and him kissing me. In a way it is slightly perverted that we wee being filmed, but I don't mind as it is quite cool really.
The this morning I woke up at about 12 when my Mum called upstairs to wake me up and told me to come downstairs. Obviously I was pissed for beng woken up, so I went downstairs all grumpy. She then handed me a cheque for £60! FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
I know she wants me out of the house during the day but I still think this is really odd. But I'm not going to complain.

Now in three days time, those shorts will be mine HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHA.
Oh goodtimes.

Hampstead Heath Barbecue laterzzzzz.
EXITED MON.
It better not rain

Thursday 12 June 2008

Pleased

My Crystal Castles T-Shirt arrived in the post today!
Its a bit smaller than I thought it would be, as I wanted it really baggy, but its baggy enough. It works well with my red shorts. Theyre slightly high waisted to the tshirt looks good when loosely tucked in with black tights and red heels.
But THIS is what I really need:

When I tried them on in Topshop they fit perfectly-For once the waist wasn't too loose and I didn't look like the Michelin man when I sat down with all my flab erupting between the buttons.
Yet again, AS ALWAYS, I HAVE NO MONEY.
They're £28 which isn't too bad but I only have 10p in my wallet, and an inaccessible £4 in my bank account. Life woule be so much easier if you could withdraw less than £10 from a bank account.
Gah.

I HAVE ALSO GOT THIS MAJOR ADDICTION TO COME DINE WITH ME.
IT IS AN AMAZING SHOW. Iactually want to be on it even though I can't actually cook.

Wednesday 11 June 2008

ZOMG

I JUST REMEMBERED MY HUGE LOVE FOR WALLACE AND GROMIT


Love


I usually hate the word "love". I don't like the way its so commonly used between couples. Call me a pessemist, but I think it always sounds so fake when couples start telling each other they love each other a week into the relationship. I'm sorry, but be realistic.
When I was going out with Jamie he kept telling me he loved me-This creeped me out so I told him "love" was too strong a word and that "like" is much more appropriate. After about two months we started using the word love but I think it was because he was also my best friend at the time as well as my boyfriend, so the word was also used in a the sense that I really loved him as a friend.
I think its perfectly fine to say you love your friends, because you do. Or materialistic objects, as you don't mean it in the same sense as you do when you say it to your partner. I think the word "love" gets thrown around so often that it starts to lose meaning.
I'm sure my outlook on love is this way because I know that as a teenager the chance of staying with a partner forever is so small, so you always have to be prepared for the almost inevitable break-up. Personally I believe staying with the same person for most of your teenage life is unhealthy-How the hell would you manage being single if you have never been without a boyfriend or girlfriend before? How would you manage to maintain a healthy relationship with someone else if you are so used to having it with one specific person?
I just think its really naive when people at our age assume that they will stay with their partner forever.

But yesterday when I saw my boyfriend I realised something. As soon as he got on the bus and had gone round the corner (leaving me to sit shivering in the cold on Battersea bridge damn him) I missed him already. I almost felt slightly disgusted with myself for being so weak and dependent on a man, but maybe I love him?

I cringe saying this, but I've loved two people in my life and this feels the same. I just think its weird to fall in love with so many people at such a young age. The first one was Jamie who I was with for a year, whilst the second one was a boy I could never have, which is why I think I fell for him harder than anyone.
But as I was lying in bed last night I was wondering if I really love my Frenchie, and as much as I don't like admitting it I think I do. I've probably only been seeing him for about 3 months or something now but I think I'm starting to love him.
But I'll never admit it to him of course, he has to be the one to say it first. HAH.


Oh god I suck at life.
People like me should not have boyfriends. I SERIOUSLY have the attitude of a man. I don't like soppy love stuff and usually hate showing my real feelings towards people I like. Plus I like drinking beer.
MAJOR RETARDATION.
I probably have too much testosterone in my body or something. That could explain the excessive facial hair.


Tuesday 10 June 2008

Okay

I just oredered my prom dress and I can't wait until it arrives
^_^


However I am SO pissed. I went into school to hand in my completed art books, and what did the teacher tell me?
"Oh you had until Friday"
PISSSSSED.
Now I'm just going to go to bed to sleep for a while-Then maybe hurl myself off a cliff if I'm feeling like it.
Goodtimes

Monday 9 June 2008

YESSSSSSSSS

ART IS OVER FOREVER!
GOODBYE ART BOOKS.

Good.

Unhappy mood gone.
The Frenchie's back in town and I'm seeing him tomorrow. Arghh I hate the major mood swings I have. Right now I don't feel miserable or guilty about it all, but I probably will tomorrow-who knows?
Spent the ENTIRE day lying in the sun finishing off my art books and now I'm even more tanned. The rate I'm tanning will ensure I'll be black by the end of the summer. But my back is looking slightly red whilst my stomach is still rather pasty. Oh deary me.

Doctors appointment tomorrow which I'm DREADING. It will be embarrassing fo' sho. I don't really enjoy discussing what I do with my boyfriend with people I don't know so I have a feeling I will be so awkward the doctor will probably prescribe me prozac or something else. But at least I could sell it to people or something.
JOKE. JOKE.

Anyways I'm off to finish my art books. This means I will be free of art FOREVER.
GOODBYE ART BOOKS.
GOODBYE ANNE POLASHENSKI.
GOODBYE ANDY WARHOL.
GOODBYE BANKSY.
GOODBYE GEORGIA O'KEEFE.
GOODBYE GRAHAM SUTHERLAND.
None of you will be missed.


PURE UNADULTERATED JOY.

Sunday 8 June 2008

Oh


Also whilst I'm on this pessimistic miserable streak:

-Barely anybody achieves all their dreams in life.
-The point of life is to be born, waste resources, give birth and die. Everything else you do is optional.
-Pretty much all relationships end.
-No matter how hard I want to be skinny it's never going to happen.
-Santa Isn't real.




THE EMO IS OFF TO BED NOW.
GOODNIGHT.

.



I hate male dependency so much. I hate how I constantly miss him even though I know I'll be seeing him soon. But what I hate the most is what a disgusting liar I am.
Most of thetime doesn't bother me, and I barely even think about it. But there's times where it makes me feel so guilty I just want to finish it with him as I can't take it anymore. The guilt is actually eating away at me.
I know that if I tell him it will change everything. I know that every time he looks at me he will see a different person from before and he will think I've changed when I haven't.
But my biggest fear is that if I tell him the truth he will hate me - that would actually kill me. The thought of him hating me hurts too much to even think about.
I just have this image in my head repeating itself over and over, of me telling him the truth. I have these visions of him not even being able to look me in the face. That image in my mind just makes me feel physically sick.
Other people have told me just to tell him the truth, but they don't actually understand just how hard it is. How do you tell someone that you have actually been telling a huge lie since the day you first met them? How can he actually trust me ever again? People don't seem to realise that telling him would lose this huge level of trust we have.
I just don't know what to do.
I like him so much, but with liking him comes this huge level of guiltiness, like a massive raincloud over my head. Usually after seeing him I'll go home with a happiness high then as soon as I'm in my room the realisation hits me again and I just break down and cry.

I hate this guilty feeling so much and I don't know what to do.
No advice from anybody helps my situation and it just feels lonely even though I know one of my friends has gone through the same thing.
But there is no ideal solution for it where everything ends up being all right and everybody lives happily ever after. Either way I lose.


Saturday 7 June 2008

¬_¬


I HATE ART.
I HATE ARTISTS.
I HATE PAINTBRUSHES.
I HATE PAINT.
I HATE PENCILS.
I HATE PENS.
I HATE PAPER.
I HATE GALLERIES.
I HATE ANYTHING ELSE ART RELATED.

DIE ANNE POLASHENSKI.
DIE.
NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID PATTERNS ANYWAY.

Friday 6 June 2008

O_o

I had the WEIRDEST dream last night.
I was going out with a boy called Tom and he tried to dump me by burning loads of candles and trying to write "You're dumped" in wax over my bed, so I got really really mad and took him outside onto his street and chained him to the floor. Then I got people from my school to publically humiliate him by calling him really mean things loudly so everyone on the street could hear.
I then woke up, fell back asleep again and had a dream there was a man in Chiswick Park who loved trees so he dressed up as them but he was actually a hermaphrodite who liked touching children.

The tree dream MUST have been based on yesterday. We were all playing frisbee in the park and some teachers from our school came up to us and told us there was a dodgy man in the bushes lurking on children. It later turned out he had a camera.
I actually find this PURE HILARITY.

I'm too old looking for pedophiles to want me which is great. Now I'm only at risk from muggers, rapists, murderers and perverts. But at least I know pedos aren't on that list anymore.
:D

Thursday 5 June 2008

Crystal Castles are God.
Their album isn't as good as many of their remixes which you can find on their myspace pages, however I still rate it a good 7 out of 10.
I actually cannot wait to see them again at Reading Festival again. It'll be the third time Iv'e seen them. SUCK ON THAT FUKKAZ.

Big luv to Crystal Castles.

Tracklisting:
01. Untrust Us
02. Crimewave [Crystal Castles Vs HEALTH]
03. Alice Practice
04. Magic Spells
05. Xxzxcuzx Me
06. Air War
07. Courtship Dating
08. Vanished
09. 1991
10. Good Time
11. Love and Caring
12. Knights
13. Through the Hosiery
14. Reckless
15. Black Panther
16. Tell Me What to Swallow

He left me

The French one left me to go to bloody France today. He's going for the weekend to Montpelier to see all his French friends which is sweet. BUT I'LL MISS HIM.
Today I went with him to Hampstead Heath and ended up taking the train home from Camden, and as we were saying goodbye outside the station he said he hoped that I had rain on the way home so I hit him and called him a bumhead(MATURE). So he grabbed me and pinned me against he train station wall wouldn't let me go until I kissed him. It actually looked like sexual assault-He is painfully strong and can actually pick me up over his head even though I'm rather hench.
A homeless guy walks past and asks us for 60p but then looks shocked and rushed off which made me laugh. Then I got four more hobos asking me for change on the way to the overground station which is a ten minute walk away. I gave one old lady 10p cos she wouldn't fuck off and she refused to believe that that was my last money so she called me a bitch and told the security guard something along the lines of "The prettiest ones are always the nastiest people and usually end up dying in toilets from taking a crack overdose"
This should have offended me but it didn't. I actually found it somewhat flattering.
Like the time I had a dodgy man outside a corner shop calling me buff and then the other one said; "Nah allow shes too skinny".
Thats really shouldn't have made me as happy as it did.




Pah I miss the bugger already.
I HATE MALE DEPENDENCY. I was all good when I became emotionally de-attached like a man and doing what I wanted but I hated how judgmental some people got. Friends aren't even meant to think about it let along judge what you do-So that out me off.
But honestly, if it's seen as socially acceptable for a man to go round shagging random women, but if a woman is to pull more than one bloke in a night she is suddenly seen as a major slag?
Urgh that annoys me so much.
But rant over. The "slag days" are finished.
I am tired.
I want Peep Show.
Night night.

Tuesday 3 June 2008

SHSJDHSAJDDSE323RF

I FANCY THEM BOTH SO MUCH AND I DON'T KNOW WHY
IT FEELS SO WRONG BUT AT THE SAME TIME SO RIGHT
AAAAAAGBBHDSAJ

Amy Wanghouse

The other day, Jessie came round to my house to finish off our art books and instead decided to cut layers into her hair. I already cut my own hair and have hairdressing scissors so she trusted me. It was really as we ended up with this MASSIVE WAD OF HAIR IN MY BATH. We literally sat there playing with this massive ball of hair for a good 20 minutes and made it into a mouse shape which was utterly hilarious.

I'm sure you've seen the video of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty playing with baby mice after shooting a whole load of heroin up their arms. Ah what fun times they have.
But as per usual with the weird shit we do, we ended up taking it a step too far. Eventually Jessie had thick eyeliner on with a massive bouffant and I was wearing my brothers checked shirt and a trilby, listening to a bit o' Winehouse on my IPod speakers, playing with a mouse made of human hair.
We ended up filming it and sticking it on Youtube being the sad individuals we are.
But what concerns me the most is that nits had over 200 views and its only been on Youtube for a day so far.
O_o


Sunday 1 June 2008

HOME SWEET HOME

FINALLY I'M BACK!

It wasn't too bad. I ate a lot of asparagus as it's in season there and a lot of food in general. Plus I barely moved any weekend and sat for pretty much all of it so I now feel FAT AS. But ah well at least I'm home.
I MISSED THE TUBE PARTY. I AM SOOO GUTTED ABOUT THAT

Mehhhhhh.

Maths and Manufacturing exam tomorrow so i better go and revise. Tomorrow looks a bit balax but I'll see buddiezz which is great and also seeing my Frenchie who I really really miss. I thought he was going to Paris this weekend but I am really forgetful and he told me today that he's actually going NEXT WEEKEND in MONTPELIER.
Biiig difference.
So I don't see him next weekend
:[


Anyways
I HAVE TO REVISE