I've compiled the a-z of what you need to know about being a cheap slut:
Anal passage. Anybody is allowed in here with whatever they want. As long as they have the money ITZ ALL GOOD IN DA HOOD.
Boobs. Preferably double D's and poking out the top of a sequinned boob tube. It costs a lot to look this cheap-75 quid implant job done by your best mate wielding a penknife.
Cherry. This was popped long ago. Age 6 in fact.
Derriere.The posh way of saying what should be on constant display under your miniskirt.
Elephantitis. What the visitor claims his penis has.
Facial.Whether this relates to ejaculation or what features you lack, it's all good. In dark nobody's going to notice a few missing teeth.
Gangrene. Teaches you not to go abroad for work.
Help. Always keep Candy and Angel at your sides. You never know when you need your herpes-infested friends.
Infectious. When the guy limps over a week later asking why you didn't have a condom, say you did it for the lulz.
Jewel-Valentine. Karen is such a dull name anyway.
Killers. Just stay away from Ipswich and any other places where the men have hook hands or lazy eyes.
Literacy. Not needed.
Mini skirt. ABSOLUTE NECESSITY. Get those fabulously hairy pins out galz!
Nudity. The reason they're paying. For a sagging stomach charge a fiver.
Orange. You need to apply liberal amounts of fake tan to achieve this colour. If you can't afford it just keep chugging on those cigarettes.
PVC. Men like this. Men also like asphyxiation.
Questions. "Can I lick your feet?" "Who's your Daddy?" "Have I been a bad boy?" Be prepared for this.
Radio. Keep it on to drown out the sound of pensioner groaning.
Slutty. Duh.
Truck. Usually you can over-charge men driving these-Tell then you charge per kilo.
Urine. OW. BURNING.
Vagina. Necessary to be a true prostitute. You might not have been born with one, but with a bit of rohypnol and some clever tucking you can get away with it.
Wendell. Your most valued customer. He still lives with his mum, bless him.
X-Ray. Used to search for all the unexplainable objects in your cervix.
Yellow. Your favourite colour. Its the colour of your teeth, fingernails, hair, and liver.
Zero. The amount of cash you make when you stand under bright streetlights.
Anal passage. Anybody is allowed in here with whatever they want. As long as they have the money ITZ ALL GOOD IN DA HOOD.
Boobs. Preferably double D's and poking out the top of a sequinned boob tube. It costs a lot to look this cheap-75 quid implant job done by your best mate wielding a penknife.
Cherry. This was popped long ago. Age 6 in fact.
Derriere.The posh way of saying what should be on constant display under your miniskirt.
Elephantitis. What the visitor claims his penis has.
Facial.Whether this relates to ejaculation or what features you lack, it's all good. In dark nobody's going to notice a few missing teeth.
Gangrene. Teaches you not to go abroad for work.
Help. Always keep Candy and Angel at your sides. You never know when you need your herpes-infested friends.
Infectious. When the guy limps over a week later asking why you didn't have a condom, say you did it for the lulz.
Jewel-Valentine. Karen is such a dull name anyway.
Killers. Just stay away from Ipswich and any other places where the men have hook hands or lazy eyes.
Literacy. Not needed.
Mini skirt. ABSOLUTE NECESSITY. Get those fabulously hairy pins out galz!
Nudity. The reason they're paying. For a sagging stomach charge a fiver.
Orange. You need to apply liberal amounts of fake tan to achieve this colour. If you can't afford it just keep chugging on those cigarettes.
PVC. Men like this. Men also like asphyxiation.
Questions. "Can I lick your feet?" "Who's your Daddy?" "Have I been a bad boy?" Be prepared for this.
Radio. Keep it on to drown out the sound of pensioner groaning.
Slutty. Duh.
Truck. Usually you can over-charge men driving these-Tell then you charge per kilo.
Urine. OW. BURNING.
Vagina. Necessary to be a true prostitute. You might not have been born with one, but with a bit of rohypnol and some clever tucking you can get away with it.
Wendell. Your most valued customer. He still lives with his mum, bless him.
X-Ray. Used to search for all the unexplainable objects in your cervix.
Yellow. Your favourite colour. Its the colour of your teeth, fingernails, hair, and liver.
Zero. The amount of cash you make when you stand under bright streetlights.
1 comment:
lol you actually so didn't write this
Funny though
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