Wednesday 29 October 2008

No post long time.

22222222 much 2 do in 2 little toyme.

Life updates:
  • Have a boyfriend who is 6ft4, plays rugby and has SIZE 14 FEET. He is also my bodyguard and I can set him off on people and animals if I asked him to. (I think.) SO NO 1 CAN MESS WIV ME.
  • Have basically done NO WORK and have to finish an entire art project by the 4th of November. This has made me think of many different ways of committing suicide. (I like the idea of blowing out my brains onto a canvas as a way of expressing my creativity.)
  • MANZ HAZ NO MONIE$. Nothing new there.
  • I re-discovered my eyetoy and have washed a hell of a lot of windows on it. By the end of the month I'm sure I'll have arms to rival the boyfriend.
  • Smoking is pretty much ruining my vocal chords-However I am hoping to achieve a sexy smoker's voice whilst avoiding cancer. I NEVER KNEW THAT IF YOU CHEW GUM AT THE SAME TIME AS SMOKING IT GIVES YOU MOUTH CANCER. Not realising that is almost as thick as the girl who thought she was "allergic" to her boyfriend, as whenever they did it without a condom she got a rash.
  • Social life is improving. Now my friendship group involves more people than just my Mum. YAY.

I feel better for posting something.

Wednesday 22 October 2008

EXOYTEMENTZZZZZ


Je verrai Justice sur vendredi!

Going to the launch party for their new DVD at the O2 arena.
Be jealous.

Justice DJ set
SoMe
Busy P
DJ Medhi
Plus the other room is hosted by Durr.


I love my life atm. Even if I did drop my school diary down a drain the other day as I thought it was too large to fit through the hole. But at least mutant crocodiles or whatever will know the rules of conduct at Twyford.


Tuesday 21 October 2008

HI LEE

Look its Lee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday 20 October 2008

Amy Scarlett Black

Is probably the randomest person I have ever met. She is so random as she does so many random things that usually have a really random outcome. Her randomness rubs off on other people, therefore making them become randomers who do the randomest things. She's so random that she paints her nails different colours. HOW RANDOM!!??!?! Even though she hates the word random and says random should only be used in a mathmatical term, I think she is so random she beats that rule of randomity she made up, and she is also very funny.
She is such a funny person because of the random crap she comes up with, and makes really random jokes that don't make sense half of the time. I like Amy's randomness. Cool.

I like my men how I like my tea

White and milky.

Tuesday 14 October 2008

Ramesh Kanabar

Please be a rapper. That would be too jokes.


Mum's in hospital on Thursday for god knows how long, and then going to Frenchie's house on Saturday with Lorna. I am actually shitting it.
I actually have noooo idea what to expect-he could have moved back to France, found another random woman, died-I DUNNO. I haaate this. Plus the person I always talk to at sixth form about stuff like this has been too busy at the moment, so we can't have deep meaningful chats like we have about once a week.
mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
:/


ALSO LOL AT THIS GIRL IN MY OLD SCHOOL GETTING PREGNANT SO SHE CAN HAVE A COUNCL FLAT. She shat herself in a music lesson a few years ago.
This cracks me up every time I remember it. (I am not a horrible person-she was mean and she WANTS to have a baby anyway. Not that you'll notice the bump between all the flab rolls.)

Monday 13 October 2008

Pure unadulterated anger

Decided to come home early today as I didnt have any lessons and registration is bunkable. Went to the pub for a bit first, and then walked alllllll the way back to my house (treck btw) and realised I didnt have my keys, so I had to go alllllll the way back to the pub. By this point I was really angry and pissed off, when some dirty little creep walks past me and starts doing vulgar things with his tongue. I hate dirty creeps to begin with, but this bloke was actually vile.
So in this fit of anger I threw a plastic bottle at his head and told him he was a fucking disgusting waste of space and that he should die because wankstains like him will never get laid so he should stop being such a fucking prick. Then some policewoman comes over, asks me what I think I'm doing to this bloke, etc. Then I told her that he was being a little perv and how he did all these disguting things to me. She then looked at me in a pitying way, winked and let me off.

I think all women should unite and there should be a law or something which allows a woman to hurt men who do disgusting and pervy men. Most of my boy mates never understand how bad it gets, and just how irritating those guys are, but the select few who pity us women I THANK YOU.
Its so frustrating. I hate pervs. I want them all to die.

Friday 10 October 2008

I have a dream



A dream where I am as cool as these people.
These kids are just so cool, that if a little bit of their coolness rubbed off on me I would be able to radiate coolness forever.
They even leave slime trails of coolness.
Thats just how cool they are.

Tuesday 7 October 2008

Yay

Birthday today.
:D

Mmmm-mmm





GOT BORED TODAY IN CLASS AND WAS THINKING @M@Z1NGLY Z@NY H1PST@ THOUGHTZ. Such as if my plimsolls were dirty enough and if I looked cooler smoking in the dark than in daylight. Then I thought of something Hipster Runoff has yet to do:


ALT KNEECAPZ. Alt breasts are olddddddddddddddd.


D@ TOP FIVE:

5.Thought of more than two would give a lot of knee fetishists a fat hard-on. This is not only 3 but the dirty thought of not seeing the other 3 kneecaps iz just 22222 much 4 people.


4.
Mmmm. Which woman wouldn't want a piece of these stunnaz.


3.
To be the altest, most alt alternative all you need is a biro. Watch how you'll start seeing painted kneecaps all over thecobrasnake.com by the end of the week. CORY KENNEDY IS ON IT. TRUST.


2.
Who downt wike a bit owf the owld Jonathan Woss on a Fwiday night? These altewnative kneecaps cewtainly do.


1.
This shouldn't even need a reason explaining why it is most undoubtedly the most alternative kneecap ever. You can cover it in gold sequins and go to Styleslut parties parading it around in a provocative manner-This'll ensure anything with a pulse will want to fuck you. You can take bucketloads of ketamine and still be able to stand up with one leg. Unlimited party tricks. Plus you could do the sickest robot dance mankind has EVA SEEN!




The hills are alive with the sound of

BASSHUNTER.



No words can explain my hate for him and his euro-techno crap.
I hate that type of music as I just think of a group of "lads" drinking WKD and going "on da pull" to meet "fit birds". When I finally push that image out of my head, I am reminded of how Dutch I am. The bloke from basshunter looks so Dutch it hurts, and everyone in Holland ACTUALLY BUMS HIM. Even though he's Swedish. I just cringe at his general existance and anyone who likes him. (The same goes for Cascada, however I don't feel like bludgeoning them on the head with a brick so much in comparison to basshunter fans)

Plus I think all men who believe a sleeveless vest with a waistcoat is a good look, is just a prick.



Today my head has been fucked up. I woke up with La Cucaracha in my head, this then got replaced by basshunter.
I blame this sudden burst of Basshunter hate on remembering my cousin singing "Boten Anna" to me oh holiday about 2 years ago.

Sunday 5 October 2008

Blergh

I have no idea what I want to do in the future cos I sucked at anything science related, whilst my little 14 year-old brother EXCELS IN EVERYTHING. He's crap at English and art, the two things I'm good at but for some reason that doesn't especially matter in my family. The boy wonder can do no wrong with his future plans to become a mathematical physicist, whilst I'm stuck deciding what to eat for lunch.
He has it so easy; he knows what he wants to do, understands most education systems as I've been through it already and doesn't constantly get given grief over HIS interests.
All I hear from my family is, "Oh you're always out and never spend enough time with us" and "God Yasmin, shopping isn't THE most IMPORTANT thing in the world-You'll discover that there's more to life than that!"
Well, in all honesty, can't they ever give my brother a bollocking about his excessive use on the XBox and the fact he NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE??? He spends most of, actually no, ALL OF his time indoors playing Halo and watching videos on youtube of equally sad exbox gamers killing n00bs or whatever it is they do. Why can't my parents acknowledge that I am different from them and don't enjoy cycling or tennis, and would rather read Elle than the New Scientist? I'm sick of being looked at like an idot when I discuss politics and then be told that they already knew that aaaages before me.
I can't win with them and it's really frustrating. Being constantly wound up by your mother to think that you're stupid is a horrible feeling, especially when I know that I do have brains in my head, however I don't walk round like some arrogant prick parading my knowledge around and making other people feel inferior.
I prefer to make terrible, dumb jokes which make people laugh, instead of constantly spweing out intelligence. It's not just my brother I'm talking about-It's also certain others who's head's have grown to such epic proportions, it just makes me cringe.
When people have brains, I prefer for them to flaunt their intelligence using witty humour rather than just going on about how well they do. It doesn't make you look interesting or clever. It just makes you look like a prat.


Complaint over. I'm off to go lick some walls and listen to the sound of elevator music in my empty head.

Saturday 4 October 2008

WHO LIKES SHORT SHORTS


I certainly don't

BOHREDOHM


Had an interesting Friday night. Now I am at home on a Saturday with my little brother and his German exchange partner who drives me MADDD. I can't walk round the house without him staring and creeping the fuck out of me. Plus he keeps eating all the cornettos which just crosses the line.
But in the past few days I have realised that at the nice, good-looking men are either gay or have girlfriends. I'm not too sure about then being gay anymore, as in some pub on Friday Jessmondo and I ended up talking to this man who was so good looking he should have been shot to stop making other men look hideous. Possible the campest bloke ever, with the campest clothing, holding his fag in the camoest way. Then later we saw him with his girlfriend. HWUDHQSWHAT??/
Then some other person has a girlfriend but keeps doing strange things to indicate he likes me which I don't understand. I see him practically everyday though so it'll probably become more clear eventually.


My brother and Vincent (ze Deutscher) are currently watching 300. This reminds me of seeing Frenchman's flatmates at 11 in the morningdoing shots in their underwear and watching 300.
It's so true that first impressions stick. In my mind they will always be in neon y-fronts screaming stuff about Sparta.

Wednesday 1 October 2008

THIS IS AN ACTUAL JOKE

Last night I had a dream (Martin LJ $tyl3) where I hit my head really hard into a block of ice and it HUUURTTTT.
Then this morning I woke up covered in water because the glass next to my bed had fallen over.

Just now I looked in the mirror and saw this fat purple bruise on the top of my head. I AM REALLY BAFFLED. I either hit myhead on the bedside table somehow or there was actually some sort of magical iceberg in my room smacking into my head whilst I was sleeping.
I told my brother about it and then he told me he had a dream about Aboriginal people transforming into a dildo. I think he wins in the weird dream stakes.

WATCH HOW MY HOUSE IS CURSED.


On the subject of phallic objects, I have to bring a fruit in tomorrow and I'm probably going to bring a banana. ZZZZZZ dull.

Or I might leave the house arlier and buy a pineapple at Morrisons to SPICE THINGS UP.